"Don't be a ho"

That's right, I said ho. But I'm actually quoting Lexi's uncle. I overheard him talking to Liz, my girlfriends sister, and he gave her a stunningly simple credo to live by: "Don't be a ho, be a CEO." Now I know for a fact he was not implying that Liz was a ho, I'll leave that up to the usual suspect. Nor am I implying that either. But I was struck by not only the utility of the phrase, but the overall impact it could have. Imagine, hordes of adolescent girls being told "Put down the booty shorts and try on that pant-suit." Or alternately, "Instead of knee high black vinyl boots, why not try these fashionable and comfortable pumps from Lands End?"

And why stop there? For those girls who plead that they can only get the lifestyle they deserve by selling their bodies, try this phrase: "Don't be a ho, be a CFO(chief financial officer)." How much more satisfying would it be as an alternative to handing over your takings for the night to your pimp, instead hand over your earnings for the quarter to your investors?

Or what about "Don't be a ho, be a CTO(chief technology officer)" for those girls whose interests are such that the only way they feel they can be accepted is through promiscuity? And really, you accomplish much more that way. Instead of getting screwed for acceptance, you can screw over the Acceptance dept with a software upgrade right before the busy season?

Unfortunately, their is no real male equivilant available. I've tried variations, yet none have the same ring to them as the original. Ex. "Don't be an ass, become a succesful landscaper and cut other peoples' grass" leaves much to be desired. And the alternative, "Don't be a pimp, cuz I"ll shoot you in the kneecap with a shotgun and then you'll be a gimp" lacks in subtlety what it brings in simple honesty. So I guess I'm asking for your help. Is there some creed out there that us men can live up to?

1 comment:

Chris Dugan said...

"Don't be a player be a guitarist like John Mayer"??