2.07.2005

The Zero of the Day

Continuing in the vein of Friday's post, I give you Lewis Daly. Lewis is the older brother of Carson Daly, and currently an investment broker. This is his story.
Carson and Lewis were both completely smashed at a party in their native SoCal. Lewis was staggering around trying to convince the attractive ladies at the party to go upstairs with him to talk about politics. This was his most successful means of cornering and "co-mingling" with cute freshman poli-sci majors. Being as it was the beginning of fall semester at beighboring UCLA-Berkley, and it was the year 1996, he was currently using the "reluctant Clinton supporter" ploy to meet and mate with the freshmen. This ploy was relatively simple, as the local Socialist Party candidate for president has some support among incoming freshmen, but Clinton was still the most popular choice, so all Lewis had to do was anguish to the aforementioned honeys about wanting to make the right decision for president. This drew them in for at least the first three weeks of the semester.

Meanwhile, a similarly drunken Carson was walking around in an alcaholic haze and telling everyone how much he loved and respected them. His monotone delivery and complete lack of discretion in his effusive lauding of unimportant strangers brought him to the attention of an MTV producer on a fact finding mission. After several tries, he was finally able to get Carson's address and phone number, after assuring him that the producer wasn't gay, just a producer for MTV.

It was at this point that the brothers path diverged. Lewis, like all manipulative jocks in high school, ended up as a freelance mortgage banker. He eventually moved to Minnesota and now works for a division of the Carlson Property Management Group. Carson went on to verbally pleasure many one hit wonders and fickle celebrities on MTV's Total Request Live. And while Carson parties with Vern Troyer(Mini Me) and the band Goldfinger, Lewis is left to boogie down to local jam band The Big Wu in the company of that girl from the Watson's commercials.

3 comments:

Ben J said...

so what are we shooting for, aspiring for the greatness of Carson Daly by sucking up to people who suck, stooping down to the level of a high school jock, or do we learn a lesson from both and settle for a life of mediocrity? i guess we'd lean towards the story of Lewis since we're already in Minneapolis...

Cox said...

Umm, whats up with the weird third person speech? What are you, the queen of england?

Ben J said...

i'm just trying to get a clear answer of all of us (those who reside in my head and yours) ... moving on...