For all you who have been waiting oh so patiently...

Jude Law "Sorry" he's a dick


At a press conference Monday, British actor and wang-brained celebrity Jude Law apologized to his fiance for a recently exposed affair.

"I just want to say I am deeply ashamed and upset that I've hurt Sienna and the people most close to us," the 32-year-old actor said in a statement Monday to the British Press Association. "I realize I've been a complete dick," he continued, "but I'm also very attractive, so you can't blame me."

"I want to publicly apologize to Sienna and our respective families for the pain that I have caused," said Law, star of "Alfie" and "The Talented Mr. Ripley" films. "But at the same time, she(Sienna Miller) did know I was douche-bag from the first time we met. Not that it excuses my behavior in the least," clarified the contrite-yet-smarmy thespian.While his apology is a good start at repairing his PR damage, the relationship itself appears to be sinking faster than his 2004 film "Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow."

"Sienna is probably too angry for tears at the moment," said the starlets equally incensed mother, Jo. "It is anger and betrayal. I mean, she's a model. This kind of thing only happens to the ugly, or maybe the overweight. Never in a million years would I have suspected that he would do that to my daughter."

At the press conference, Law closed the event by reiterating "I'm a dick, I'm sorry I got caught, but I'm pretty and privelidged so you'll forget about this in a month. 3 months tops."


Quotes in red are real, all the rest is probably real, just never made it to print.