12.28.2005

For those of you too lazy to click on a link...


The following was copied from fametracker
Top 25 Reasons (aside from Micheal Bay) that The Island was a flop

  • The mistaken belief among moviegoers that this was a remake of Gilligan's Island
  • Ewan McGregor's unnerving beardlessness
  • The movie's original tagline: "There's Not Actually An Island"
  • The lacklustre performance of Noa Tishby as "Community Announcer"
  • Violence in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas
  • A misguided PR campaign that positioned the film as "Bad Boys 2, but with a Scottish guy and the best friend from Ghost World"
  • Anti-island sentiment following last year's tsunamis
  • Screenwriter Caspian Tredwell-Owen has the name of a ponce-y schoolboy
  • Sunspots
  • Failure to properly publicize the surprise Will Ferrell cameo
  • Conflict between the Red States and the Blue States
  • The musical numbers just didn't "pop"
  • One in every ten The Island lunchboxes was sold with a live leech inside
  • iPods
  • Getting steamrolled by the box-office juggernaut that is Michael Chiklis
  • The decision to do all The Island promotional tie-ins through Speedy Muffler and Brake Center, including special two-for-one The Island non-existent lube jobs
  • Weak middle-relief pitching
  • Robert Novak
  • Persistent anti-The Island letter writing campaign initiated by an energized base of clones
  • The Sunni Muslims
  • Howard Dean's scream
  • Men's changing attitudes toward personal grooming products
  • America's unpredictable and sudden shift toward hating crap
  • Jews!
  • El NiƱo

2 comments:

Ben J said...

wow, not one comment referring to any of Scarlett Johannson's anatomy... I'm impressed

Chris Dugan said...

Yeah until just now Ben!

I lub you.